Peeping Naruto
by vegamarie
Summary: Jiraiya is suffering from an unfortunate seven year itch and only Naruto can get the perverted Sannin the thing that can cure him: a very specific picture of Tsunade. Please R&R! Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a Naruto story. Please tell me what you think, but please, no flames. Constructive criticism is appreciated though. Oh, and this story starts out in first person from Jiraiya's perspective and it will fluctuate between first and third person. So whenever it is in first person, Jiraiya's the one narrating._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters._

Fifty. I'm fifty years old (well, almost fifty-one), and really, where have I gotten in life during all this time? Sure, I write wonderful stories that chronicle love and romance, I've trained a few ninjas here and there, and generally, I'm a well-respected guy. But there are just some things in life that are worth experiencing and as of yet, I've fallen kind of short in that respect. One in particular has been causing that seven-year itch. At least, I think that's what it's called. You know that feeling you get when you just have to accomplish or experience something and you can't relax until it's finished? That's exactly what I'm dealing with at the moment. 

"Hey, pour me another sake will you?" I ask the guy behind the counter of the stall I'm visiting.

"Mister, that's your fifth one and at my joint, the limit's four. If you keep drinking like this, you're not gonna be able to stand up straight."

I don't really care. Sometimes, getting drunk is just what I need to take the edge off for a little while. It helps me to relax and since all I've been thinking about is that stupid itch thing, I really need to let it all down. A pretty girl would help things out, come to think of it. Maybe I'll check out the girl's hot springs using my invisibility jutsu. Ha, that should do the trick for a little while! Research is definitely something I enjoy doing.

Motioning the man to pour me another one, I lean back on my stool and think about how I can overcome this itch thing. But realistically, I know the odds of any sort of recovery are slim to none in this particular instance. Somehow, I'm going to need to come up with a foolproof strategy and plan. Otherwise, this itch thing is going to be bothering me for the rest of my life. Kami, that would be total and complete hell. Grabbing the sake in front of me, I slug it down in one gulp and let out a sigh of pleasure. Nothing like good sake is what I always say. And sometimes, my best ideas also come when I'm in my cups. Right now, I _need _a good idea.

And then, it's like heaven or some godly force intervenes. Well, maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. It's the writer in me. But, as I was saying, when I was starting to think the all hope of any good idea to get rid of my problem was over, my little prayer is answered, but not in the way I envisioned.

"Aieee, Ero-sennin!"

Ah, crap. That's the first thing I think. I do my best to try to hunch down into my cup, but being over six feet tall and having a massive mane of flowing, beautiful white hair, it's not always very easy to hide. Especially from a certain hyperactive ninja who's always after some sort of training or new skill. Sometimes, I wish my stunning reputation had not spread far and wide through out the world. And sometimes, I wish with all of my might that I had never gotten involved with that kid in the first place. But usually, that's only when he's driving me up the wall.

Cringing and ignoring the looks from the bartender, I let out a slight sigh of relief when I don't hear anymore ungodly screeching. Maybe he's decided to leave me alone. Too bad that isn't the case. No sooner do I think that when I feel a persistent poke to my shoulder. Grinding my teeth together, I can feel my eyebrow beginning to twitch. Is it too much to ask for an old guy like me to be able to enjoy his sake in peace? Turning around to the side, I stare hard at Naruto and bellow into his face.

"WHAT?!"

Bad idea on my part. I already know what he's going to say before he opens his mouth. And the truth is, he does have a right to ask me about it since I was the idiot who promised to train him. Still, I do plan on fulfilling my bargain with him. He may be annoying as hell, but he's strong and he's got a lot of potential. And in some ways, the kid reminds me of myself a little bit. But I just want some peace and quiet here in Konoha, away from annoying brats who don't understand the meaning of the word 'no.'

"Hey Ero-sennin, when are you going to train me, huh?"

I just roll my eyes at him, his squinted, pouting look not doing anything to make me more amiable towards his ninja training.

"Look kid, stop calling me that name. And I'll train you, don't worry about it. But I'm on a little vacation right at the moment and once my vacation is over with, I've got more research to complete on Akatsuki." Not to mention figuring out at cure for my seven year itch. The funny thing is, my cure it right in front of me. I'm just too blind to see it at the moment, my irritation for Naruto overcoming my logical mind and keen thinking abilities (never mind all the sake I've just drank in the last twenty minutes or so.)

"Yeah, whatever old man. You always say you've got more important things to do. But I know all you're really doing is looking at naked ladies for your pervy books."

"Hey Naruto, you just don't understand fine writing at its best."

Turning my nose up, I cross my arms and stare at the ceiling. The nerve of that kid calling my precious books perverted. He has no idea, _no_ idea whatsoever about such great talent as my own. Looking at him out of the corner of my eye, I have a feeling that he's not going to go anywhere until I do something that will make him think I'm going to start training him right away. That's when the light bulb in my brain finally starts to glow. Smirking deviously, I turn around towards him on my stool and lean on the counter with my right arm.

"Naruto, you say you want some private training, right?"

"Yeah Ero-sennin! Believe it, training and learning cool techniques is what I really, _really_ want!"

My smirk widens as I watch the little punk practically jumping up and down on his sandaled feet. Oh yeah, he's definitely the ticket to help me get rid of my little problem. Using his 'training' to get what I want is the way to go. I'm such a genius sometimes it hurts my brain! I don't have reputation of legendary Sannin for nothing, that's for sure!

"Well, like I've said before, I don't take on apprentices unless they show some real potential. I am a Sannin, after all. So here's the deal kid. You've got to prove your potential to be a great and stunning ninja, such as myself, before you can apprentice underneath me."

"So, like, I have to prove myself to you, is that what you're saying Ero-sennin?"

Argh! Thinking is not always Naruto's forte, but jeez! How could I be any clearer?

"Of course baka! That's what I just said, didn't I?"

"But Ero-sennin, what about learning the Rasengan? And fighting off that snaky creep, Orochimaru?"

"Sure, you learned the Rasengan. That's great and all, but there are other necessary skills needed for becoming a first rate shinobi. You've got to prove to me that you have those skills as well. And as I recall Naruto, that fight with Orochimaru, you were out cold. Tough luck kid."

"Aww, come on Ero-sennin! Quit joking around and train me! Please, please, please!"

Slapping my hand to my forehead, I wonder what kind of cruel joke is being played at _my_ expense, having to rely on Naruto to help me out with my little problem. To say that he's really starting to get on my nerves is the understatement of the century. However, yelling doesn't work very well on Naruto and if I want him to do this little task, I've got to play it cool, smooth. Suave. Yeah, I can do this. It'll be like stealing candy from a baby. Relaxing my hand, I smile slightly at him, watching as he looks on with all the hope of Konoha blazing out of his blue eyes. He has no idea what's in store for him.

"Look Naruto, I'm not joking here. Training underneath me is serious business, as you should already be aware of. But don't worry, I have every confidence that you'll get this little test done in no time at all. So, are you curious?"

I can tell he's not happy about having to take a 'test,' but there is no way that I'm going to let this opportunity pass.

"Yeah, fine. Just tell me what it is so I can do it and then you can finally train me like you said you would."

Clapping my hands together, I shout out "Great!" and then wrap my left arm around him, pulling him in closer to where I'm sitting, ignoring the strange looks coming from the bartender. I may be perverted, but I'm not _that_ kind of a pervert!

"Okay Naruto, this is what you're going to have to do. Fine shinobi are skilled at the art of stealth, and to say your skills are up to par, well…they aren't. So I have a task designed to show exactly how stealthy you can be. Are you up to it?"

He nods his head and it's all I can do not to rub my hands together in anticipation. Finally, I'll be able to get rid of that stupid itch. And my balls will be intact, too!

"Okay, so here's what you need to do."

Bending over, I pull out a camera from my travel gear and hand it towards him. I can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to figure out exactly where a camera will play in all of this.

"But Ero-sennin, what do I need a camera for? Anybody can take stupid pictures!"

"Yes, but not of what I want you to take a picture of." Motioning him in even closer, I decide to divulge my plan, knowing that he's most likely going to have a fit when he hears it.

"Okay Naruto. This is what you need to do. It is your mission to sneak into the Hokage's Tower and take a picture of Tsunade without her knowing that you're there."

"Really? That's all I have to do? Take a picture of Tsunade Obachan? Hey, that's easy!"

Hehe, I knew he'd fall for it. However, what I've just told him is only part of the story. The rest…he isn't going to like one bit, but if he's as desperate for my personal training as he says he is, he'll do it no matter what.

"Oh sure, it's easy all right. Getting past ANBU guards, Tsunade's personal guards, Shizune and not to mention Tsunade herself. I'm sure you can do that without getting caught (not). But that's not the end of the story kiddo."

"It's not?" He scratches his head stupidly and then stares at me, waiting for the rest of my instructions.

"Nope. I want you to take a picture of Tsunade and her…" I motion him in even closer and then whisper the rest into his ears. The only problem is somehow, I forgot how lousy Naruto is at keeping his big mouth shut.

"WHAT?!!!!! NO WAY OLD PERVERT!"

Grabbing him, I cover his mouth and wait for him to stop struggling.

"Hey, keep it down!" I hiss at him. The last thing I need is for Tsunade to find out about my little plan. Jeez, that woman can be pretty scary. In a few minutes, Naruto stops struggling and I let him go, watching him as he glares at me.

"No way am I doing that! That's just…it's just…well, it's just sick! You just want it for your stupid books."

"Look Naruto, you're a growing boy. I know you can appreciate this…this little task as it were. Besides, if you don't, then I'm not training you, pure and simple."

"Awww, come on Ero-sennin! I'll take a picture of her, but not of her naked!"

Grabbing Naruto, I look around wildly to make sure nobody just overheard what he said.

"Look kid, do you want us to get in trouble? Because I guarantee, if you don't shut your mouth, we're both going to be in the ringer. Got it?"

Letting him go once more, he shakes his head sullenly and then crosses his arms angrily.

"Naruto, it's not like I'm asking you to break the law or anything. (Well technically, I am). I just want you to take a little picture for me without getting caught. If you can manage to pull it off, you're definitely going to be Hokage some day."

I can tell he's thinking about it, the praise of being told he's going to be Hokage somewhat pulling him in the direction I want him to be going in. Just when I think he's about to capitulate though, he shakes his head no. I almost give into the temptation of letting out a sigh of disappointment before my inner self kicks in and tells me I'd be retarded to let this opportunity pass.

"Come on Naruto. Think about all the training and new jutsu I can teach you. You don't want to pass this opportunity up, do you? What about how it can help you get your friend Sasuke back?"

'Uh-ah. Nope. No way. I'm not a crazy fool and only somebody crazy would want to take a picture of Tsunade Obachan's enormous…"

"Shut up Naruto!" There's got to be someway that I can get him to do this for me. I _need_ that picture!

"Hnn, whatever old man! I'm not going to do it and that's final. Besides, you promised to train me and you can't go back on your word."

"I can't go back on my word? Look Naruto, a spoken promise isn't the same thing as a written agreement. Like I said before, I'll train you but only if you do this little task without getting caught. I can change our agreement anyway I want to and there is nothing you can do about it."

If anything, being forceful about the training situation will get him to agree. At least, that's my hope, even though in reality, I'm still planning on training him whether or not he agrees to this stunt. However, I have to get rid of this stupid itch and if I can get him to do it, all the better for me.

"N-O, no! Unless, you do something for me."

Oh great, now I'm bargaining with the little punk. How pathetic am I becoming or what? But at this point, I'm desperate.

"Fine Naruto. You tell me what you want, and if it's reasonable, I'll give it to you." Crossing my fingers, I hope it isn't anything too outrageous.

"Seriously Ero-sennin?"

I shake my head yes and let out an exasperated sigh. Maybe having Naruto in my plan wasn't such a good idea to begin with but I just can't see another way around getting what I want.

"Okay! You have to buy me passes to eat ramen at Ichiraku Ramen shop for an entire year, as much as I want. I totally know you can afford it old man!"

Ramen? The baka wants all you can eat ramen passes for a year? No matter how much money I might have in my account, he's going to eat me into bankruptcy before the year is out! Still, if he fails, then I won't have to live up to my end of the bargain. I'm starting to have a feeling that I'm getting way in over my head with this idea, but it's too late to go back now.

"Okay, fine Naruto. I'll get you all you can eat passes for a year at Ichiraku's."

"Yeah! But it has to be in writing. I don't want you to go back on your word again."

Argh, why did I not realize how exasperating Naruto can be? And when did he become so devious? He must be hanging out way too much with that Haruno girl.

"Okay, I'll write up a contract."

I pull out an inkbottle, a brush, and a scroll from my pack and spread it across the bar, knocking my sake cup away to the side.

"I Jiraiya, great and powerful Sannin, hereby give to one Uzumaki Naruto all you

can eat passes to Ichiraku Ramen if the above mentioned successfully completes

the task bestowed upon him."

Signature:

Handing the scroll over to Naruto, I watch as he reads over the contract and shakes his head yes. I let out a slight breath of relief, realizing that if he somehow fails, I've worded the contract in such a way that I won't have to give him all you can eat passes to his favorite ramen shop. Signing the damned thing, I wrap it back up and put it into my pack.

"Great kid! I knew you'd do it! So like I said, you need to sneak into the Hokage's Tower and snap a little picture of our gal, Tsunade. Do it and you'll get to train with me and eat all the ramen you can stuff into that body of yours!"

Quickly stuffing the camera into his hands before he can change his mind, I stand up and push him out of the sake stand and into the road.

"Now get to it kid! The faster you finish, the faster you get that ramen!"

Naruto looks a little puzzled, but then he stuffs the camera into his weapons pouch and starts down the street towards the tower. Rubbing my hands together, I walk back into the stand and sit down. The bartender is staring at me, no doubt thinking I'm some kind of lecher, but I don't really care. All I care about is finally finding some relief. That is, if Naruto succeeds. And if he doesn't, I'm not the one who's going to get into trouble.

So what is this itch I've been talking about? If you're smart, you should have already figured it out. If not, here goes. As long as I've known Tsunade, I've had this desire to finally get a peek at her two girls. The problem is, after having been on a Genin team with me, she knows all of my tricks. She also happens to be scarier then a rabid dog and stronger then a runaway team of oxen. I shudder to think of what she would do to my handsome face if she were to find out about this. But I'm also to the point in my life where I'm getting older and that I know with things the way they are with Akatsuki, there won't be much time left for me to get in a peek. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and obviously relying on Naruto is a desperate measure. There's always the slim chance that he'll succeed.

Motioning the bartender over, he pours me another cup of sake. Raising my hand in a silent toast to Naruto's success, I swallow the sake in two gulps, let out a giant burp and promptly pass out to the world.

_So, what do you think so far? Hope it makes sense! Will Naruto succeed in taking Tsunade's picture? Find out in the next chapter! And please review._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello everyone. Here is the next chapter. And thanks to the people who have taken the time to leave me a review. I appreciate it._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters._

_Chapter 2_

Naruto stumbled out of the sake stand where he had somehow managed to run into none other then Jiraiya, the guy who was supposed to be teaching him awesome and powerful ninja stuff. Yet here he was out in the middle of the crowded Konoha street holding onto a camera of all things and somehow charged with the impossible task of taking a picture of Tsunade Obachan's gigantic breasts. Naked breasts, he amended in his head. How did he always end up in such strange predicaments whenever he came into contact with the old perv, Ero-sennin? Although he was in no way averse to taking glimpses of naked girls and their feminine attributes, the thought of looking at a naked Tsunade gave him a mixture of two feelings: the feeling of puking and the feeling of terror. He could understand why Jiraiya wanted him to do this sort of task. Tsunade was temperamental at best and she was one of the few women that he knew who liked to speak with their fists (the other being Sakura). And Tsunade's fists could crumble buildings to dust. Was it any wonder that he was really starting to dread doing this task?

Scratching the back of his head slightly, he moved forward through the street slowly, lost in thought about how he was going to get through this task. It really, _really_ stunk that Ero-sennin was making him prove his worth in such a depraved manner. Even with the possibility of having all he could eat ramen from Ichiraku's, Naruto was really starting to worry about how he was going to infiltrate into Tsunade's private apartments. Clenching his hand around the stupid camera he was holding onto, he wanted to curse his stupidity and then turn right around and tell the old coot where to stick it. But the kicker was, he couldn't go back on his word. It would be against his nindo, his ninja way to ever back down from a challenge. But in all honesty, he truly was terrible at being stealthy and he knew it.

Walking aimlessly down the street for a few blocks, Naruto somehow managed to end up on the Ninja Academy grounds. Walking up over to the swing he used to sit on when all the kids had made fun of him, he sat down dejectedly and let out a sigh. He had to think of a good plan. He could not afford to miss out on old man Jiraiya's training, no matter if this 'test' was an impossible task to begin with. And the thought of having all you can eat ramen was also a somewhat motivating factor as well. Just thinking about the delights of Ichiraku's was already starting to make his stomach growl and gurgle incessantly. This just sucked!

He didn't know how long he sat on the swing lost in his own thoughts when he heard a voice calling his name. Looking up slightly, he saw a figure covered in the shadows from the tree looking down at him. Yelping, he jumped about a half a foot before finding his feet becoming tangled with the swing and landing in a gigantic heap, the camera Jiraiya had given him flying in an arc through the air, landing with a quiet thud into the dust of the playground.

Scrambling to his feet, Naruto shot after his camera, only finding it in the hands of his mysterious assailant.

"Hey, give that back!"

Aiming a blind punch at the ninja's mid-section, he suddenly found himself back in the dust, effectively dropped to the ground because of a tree root sticking out of the ground that he hadn't seen. Rolling over onto his butt, he glared at the person who had taken his ticket to training with Jiraiya.

"Naruto, calm down! You sure are jumpy today. I wasn't even trying to scare you. Here."

Glancing upwards, he found himself looking into the smiling face of Iruka-sensei. Grabbing the camera hastily out of his hands, Naruto felt slightly guilty knowing that if Iruka new about what Jiraiya wanted him to do, he'd be scrubbing the faces of the Hokages for the rest of his natural life. Standing up hastily, he started walking back towards the gates to the academy, hoping Iruka would get the picture and leave him alone. Unfortunately, luck was just not on Naruto's side this particular day, which should have given him warning bells going off in his head in regards to the task he had yet to fulfill.

"Hey Naruto, wait up!"

Feeling slightly guilty for just up and leaving his favorite teacher like that, Naruto sullenly stopped at the gate and waited for Iruka to catch up with him.

"What's your hurry? Have some really important training to do all of a sudden or did Tsunade send you on some mission? Or is something going on that you would like to talk about?"

"Ahhh, nothing Iruka-sensei. I'm…ahhh…I'm gonna drop this thing off at Sakura's. Yeah, she's…she's um, she's going to give me lessons on how to take good pictures and stuff." Naruto mumbled quickly, embarrassed at how difficult it was to lie to Iruka.

"Really? I didn't know you were interested in photography. Hmm, that's interesting."

Feeling desperate and slightly insulted that Iruka didn't think him capable of learning how to enjoy something artistic like photography, Naruto crossed his arms and glared defensively at his old teacher.

"What's so interesting about it, Iruka-sensei? Maybe I wanna learn something besides ninja skills."

Naruto narrowed his eyes as Iruka chuckled awkwardly to cover his supposed erroneous 'assumption.' The truth was, he would rather wrestle with ten fire breathing Sakura's then learn how to take a good picture. But Iruka did not need to know that. He had to get away from his sensei before he became too comfortable and let something slip. Sometimes, it was just so hard for him to keep things secret, even when those secrets had the potential to cause him a great deal of pain, suffering and gasp, the possible denial of learning new techniques so he could finally prove what a great ninja he truly was to the village.

"Well Iruka-sensei, I gotta go or Sakura's going to smack me in the head if I'm late. See ya!"

Turning back around, he was about to start running back the way he had come when Iruka spoke up again, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"Hey, hold up Naruto. I'll walk with you since I'm headed that way myself. Sakura only lives a few buildings away from my apartment."

Argh! How was he going to lose Iruka? Of course, he had to come up with the lamest excuse ever and he had totally forgotten about the part where Iruka lived in the same neighborhood as Sakura. No wonder Jiraiya was concerned about him. Mostly, he never really cared about the logistics of being a ninja, relying on his team for that sort of stuff. But jeez, his luck was just not with him today. Not able to turn his teacher down, Naruto nodded his head, put the camera into his tool pouch and then stuffed his hands into his pockets. Waiting for Iruka to step towards the road, Naruto followed him out into the street.

"So Naruto, how have you been, besides jumpy?" Iruka teased.

Scowling, Naruto just grunted instead of actually trying to engage in a conversation. He had to figure out a strategy to get away from Iruka, otherwise he would have to go into Sakura's house, never mind the fact that he hadn't been invited and that Sakura would wail on him for sure.

"Wow, what happened to the number one hyper active ninja of Konoha? You're awfully quiet. Makes me wonder if you're…up to something."

"Aiiii, no, no! No way Iruka-sensei. I'm not up to anything bad."

"Well, just make sure it stays that way. The last thing you need is to be caught up in some awful prank and find yourself explaining to the Hokage what made you feel brave or foolish enough to pull something. Especially with Tsunade. That woman…"

Naruto watched as Iruka shuddered slightly, which had the undesirable effect of making his stomach clench up in fear. How horrible was the old granny to have Iruka making shuddering faces? Horrible enough that one of the legendary Sannin was making him do his dirty work so that he could get his jollies. What was he really getting himself into, he found himself asking in his head once again. And was all you can eat ramen really, _really_ worth his possible livelihood? Or training with an old pervert? Still, he just couldn't back down from his word, no matter how much he was beginning to regret cutting that deal with Ero-sennin. And maybe, even though he didn't really want to have Iruka with him at the moment, he could get some information about the best way to get inside of Tsunade's apartment. Turning his head slightly towards Iruka, Naruto opened his mouth.

"Umm, speaking of Tsunade Obachan, is it super hard to get into her apartments?"

As soon as the question came out of his mouth, he wanted to slap himself in the head. I mean, how obvious could he have gotten? Iruka seemed to be onto him as well because his eyes narrowed perceptibly and he stopped where they were walking in the middle of the slightly crowded street, ignoring the sour looks other pedestrians were giving the two of them.

"And why, pray tell, do you want to get into Tsunade's apartment?"

"Ohh, nothing. It's umm, just something that I was curious about. Kakashi-sensei wants us to learn everything that we can about the buildings of Konohagakure."

"Including Tsunade's private apartments? While Kakashi can be a little strange, I don't think he'd want you to be researching something like that."

"No, for real Iruka-sensei! Everything about Konohagakure. That means Tsunade's apartment too. You know, so that we know where enemies might attack and stuff."

For some reason, either his last excuse was really good or Iruka was tired of being jostled by other people in the street, his teacher let out a sigh of resignation and then started to walk forward again. Skipping a little ahead, Naruto waited to see if Iruka would tell him anything useful.

"I still don't know about your whole 'Kakashi' story, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you something. It isn't like you'd be crazy enough to try and actually break into her apartment, is it Naruto?"

Iruka gave him a piercing look with his brown eyes, making sure to let Naruto know that he really wasn't buying his story but couldn't prove it wrong one way or the other. Playing along, Naruto shook his head contritely and waited for Iruka to continue.

"Well, for one thing, Tsunade's private apartment isn't in the tower. It's right next to it. There are ANBU posted around the perimeter and then a few guards placed at strategic entrances. As long as you have legitimate business to speak with the Hokage about and you can prove you are a Konoha ninja, the ANBU will let you on the grounds. Otherwise, forget it. Once inside, one of the guards will escort you around. That's about it. I'm sure there are nasty booby traps and other unimaginable horrors lurking around, but if you aren't planning on doing anything bad, you won't have anything to worry about."

"Really? That doesn't sound too bad."

"It doesn't sound bad? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Naruto swallowed nervously. He was getting into deeper and deeper trouble with Iruka every time he opened his mouth.

"I mean, Iruka-sensei, that it doesn't sound like they really care all that much about the Hokage's apartment being attacked or something."

He watched as Iruka gave him a strange look and then looked forward so as to make sure he didn't run into anybody on the street accidentally.

"Well, I wouldn't be too keen on trying to break and enter the Hokage's apartment with ANBU lurking around the corners. They'd kill you before you even had a chance to blink. And if for some reason you'd be lucky enough to get into a room alone with Tsunade, well, you'd have to deal with that immense strength of hers. Scary."

Not knowing what to say to Iruka's assessment about the possibility of breaking and entering into Tsunade's apartments, Naruto digested the information. It disturbed him slightly to know what he was really up against because he knew for sure that they weren't just going to let some snotty nosed Genin waltz into Tsunade's apartment for a quick pic. Lost in thought, he didn't realize Iruka had stopped until heard his name being called. Stopping, he turned around sheepishly and scratched at the back of his head.

"Uhh, how come you stopped, Iruka-sensei?"

He watched as Iruka rolled his eyes in exasperation over his flightiness and then pointed at the building he was standing in front of.

"Earth to Naruto. We're here. This is where Sakura lives."

"Oh yeah. Haha, sorry Sensei. I was just um…thinking. But hey, I gotta run! I forgot to bring some sweet bean curd for Sakura. She'll be really mad at me if I don't bring it. See ya!"

Turning around, Naruto ran as fast as his legs could carry him, wincing when he heard Iruka's extremely loud bellow following him down the street. Turning into an alley, he heaved out a sigh of relief that he was finally free of his teacher. Most times, he loved spending time with Iruka when he got the chance to, but not today. There was no way that he could get caught with what Jiraiya wanted him to do. Especially not by Iruka and he'd screwed up so many times in front of his old sensei, it was amazing he hadn't already been hauled by his ear into Tsunade's office.

Tiptoeing back to the mouth of the alley, Naruto looked both ways to make sure his path was free of anyone that he knew. Seeing that the coast was clear and that Iruka had hopefully not pursued him, he started down the street towards Tsunade's apartment. The first thing he needed to do was figure out how many guards there were. He could deal with the ANBU, but the guards where another matter all together. And he also realized, he'd have to wait until dark until he could sneak in to Tsunade's apartment. There was no way that she would undress in the middle of the day. Well, maybe she would, but he had a hard time imagining her doing something so strange.

In no time at all, Naruto was at the building he wanted to be at. Looking around, he found a good-sized tree where he could climb into and hide himself while he watched the outside of Tsunade's private residence. Making sure no one was around; Naruto quickly scrambled up the tree and hid himself deep within its branches. In a few minutes, he figured out where all the guards were. Now, all he had to do was think up a plan. He already had a partial one figured out, but most of his plan just revolved around dumb luck. Watching the guards, he realized that once he got past the ANBU, he'd have to figure out a strategy that would take all six of them out at once, since there were two of them located at all three entrances. That's when it hit him. A brilliant plan that even Ero-sennin would be proud of. Smiling to himself, Naruto leaned back against his tree, waiting for the right moment for his plan to finally make it into action.

_About four hours later…right after Tsunade enters her apartment…_

Naruto yawned sleepily and then almost fell out of the tree he was stationed in when he saw Tsunade walk through the gates with her pet pig, Ton-Ton. His timing, he realized, couldn't have been any better. Maybe his luck really wasn't all that bad after all. Slipping out of the tree, Naruto openly headed towards the gates where the two ANBU that he could visibly see were stationed. Smiling cheerily, Naruto waved at them as he got closer.

"Hey! I'm here to see the Hokage!"

One of the ANBU dropped his arms to his side and let out what sort of sounded like a cross between a grunt and a chuckle. The other one just stood like a statue.

"What business does a kid like you have with the Hokage at this time of night? Shouldn't you be in bed sucking on your thumb? Get lost brat!"

Naruto could feel himself start to get angry from such an insult. He wasn't a little baby! He was a ninja who was going to be Hokage someday!

"I do have business with the Hokage! And I'm a ninja anyway."

"Look, maybe you are a ninja and maybe you aren't. Unless you have some sort of document that shows you have legitimate business with the Hokage at this hour of the day, you aren't getting in. So just do yourself a favor and scram."

Growling slightly, Naruto pulled out a rumpled piece of paper that looked like he'd accidentally washed it down the toilet from his weapons pouch. Thrusting it at the surly ANBU agent whose mask he realized looked like rat, he almost laughed when the guy took a slight step back, not expecting Naruto's move.

"What the hell is this? It looks like you pissed on it kid."

"Just read it, will you? That's why I'm here."

He watched as the guard moved his head slightly while he skimmed the document in front of him, holding onto the thing as though it would bite him at any second.

"This is a mission report. This is something you're supposed to turn in at the tower, not here."

Smirking, Naruto wanted to laugh. Crossing his arms, he grinned widely and then explained. Who knew that a stupid mission would have given him this opportunity?

"Look at the bottom. Tsunade Obachan wanted me to make the report in person. I just forgot to until now. So you have to let me in."

That much was true. She'd sent him on a training mission a few months ago and had wanted to personally make sure he was making progress by having him report to her directly. The only thing was, he had totally forgotten about it until he had been sitting up in the tree trying to figure out some way to get inside Tsunade's property. He watched as rat face turned it over to his friend, who also read it and shook his head.

"Well, that's definitely the Lady Tsunade's signature and seal. There isn't any way this could be a forgery. As long as his ID checks out, I guess we should let him pass. Besides, he doesn't look like he could cause any damage anyway."

Rat face still didn't look very happy, but there really wasn't anything he could do. Grabbing hold of Naruto's proffered ID, he checked it out and then motioned curtly with his hand that he could enter.

"You're in kid. You're pretty lucky. Just make sure you don't mess up in there or your dead. Check in at the door with Genma. He'll escort you inside."

With that, Naruto found himself walking inside the gate. That's when the strategic timing of his second part of the plan came into action. It was almost eerie how his timing had been so accurate. Almost as if things were…predestined to run their course. Stopping slightly inside, he heard the rat faced ANBU guy interrogating a ramen delivery boy from Ichiraku's. Seeing that the guy checked out, he was ushered into the gates just as Naruto slid into a bush and held his position. He watched as the delivery guy went up to Genma and handed him the food.

"Hey, I have a ramen delivery for you guys courtesy of the Lady Tsunade."

"What, seriously? All right! Hey, thanks. Just leave it here and I'll go tell the other guys. Thanks."

With that, Genma called out to the other guards and within a few minutes they were all chowing down on the food as though their stomachs hadn't been filled in years. Smelling the ramen also had the unintentional side effect of making Naruto feel hungry, since he hadn't eaten since before noon. Rubbing his belly absently and trying to figure out exactly how he was going to pay for that huge order he had put in, he waited until everyone was finished eating before he made his move.

Stepping out of the bushes, he walked up to where the guards were all lying about.

"Hey guys!"

It was almost funny how quickly they scrambled out of their gluttonous state.

"What the heck are you doing here Naruto?"

"Umm, I'm here to give Tsunade something I forgot to turn in. Don't worry, I'm cleared with those guys out there. I'm supposed to follow Genma inside. But first, there's something I have to do."

Feeling suddenly confident in his newfound skills at the art of stealth, Naruto grinned when all six men suddenly had their eyes on him. Before they could move, he pulled out his trump card.

"Hāremu no Jutsu!"

Splitting into many naked female versions of himself, all of the guards suddenly fell prey to the invigorating beauty of many young girls. Within seconds, they were all gaga eyed with blood splurting out of their noses, fainting to the ground into a giant heap of spasming testosterone driven male frenzy.

Releasing his jutsu, Naruto stepped around the heap and almost leapt for joy when he realized the front door wasn't even locked. Turning around, he stuck his tongue out at the stupid guards.

"Serves you guys right for being such gross perverts! Nahhh!" Turning around quickly, he jumped through the door and headed upstairs towards what he hoped to be Tsunade's bedroom. He was in and now all he had to do was take that picture without getting caught.

_Well, I hope this wasn't too lame. If it is, sorry! The next part (and hopefully last part) should be better is this one isn't so good. Will Naruto take Tsunade's picture without a bunch of angry guards bursting in on him? Will Jiraiya finally be cured of his seven-year itch? Find out in the next chapter! Please read and review and tell me what you think. Just please don't flame me if you think it stinks. Constructive critiques are appreciated though!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello again! Yes, it has been much longer then I anticipated to update this little baby. My writing has been sort of on hiatus this summer. Sorry for the delay, but here it is: the final chapter._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. They belong to __Masashi Kishimoto_

_Chapter 3_

The door to the kitchen swung open and a figure stumbled slightly through it. Fumbling in the lengthening darkness of the room, a click sounded as a light switch was suddenly turned on, bathing the room in artificial light.

"Damn, where is it? I need it!"

Adjusting her eyes to the sudden brightness of the room after turning the lights on, Tsunade made her way to one of the cupboards along the wall. Opening the cupboard door, she rooted around and then moved on to the next one, cursing under her breath the entire time. Ton-Ton, who had followed her master into the kitchen, sat and made a sound that reminded Tsunade of someone being overly critical. Giving her pig a dirty look, she resumed her task of searching for her special remedy that she always indulged in after a hard day of work as the Hokage of Konahagakure.

"Dammit! Where could I have put it? Argh, if that pain in the ass Shizune came in and removed it again, I'm going to…"

Tsunade mumbled as she continued opening and closing cupboard doors and drawers, searching with her hands as well as her eyes for the cure to the headaches and crick in her neck from going through the enormous amount of paperwork that came with being a Hokage. Opening the very last cupboard in her rather large kitchen, Tsunade's hand clamped around a rounded bottle. Smiling slightly, she pulled it out and let out a sigh of relief.

"There you are, my sweet sake! Work was a pain in the ass and you are going to help me forget about all the inconveniences of being the leader of Konahagakure."

Stroking the bottle lovingly, Tsunade walked over to the other side of the room and pulled out a sake cup, ignoring Ton-Ton's pained grunts. If she ever saw Jiraiya again, she'd give him a piece of her mind about how inconvenient being a Hokage could actually be. With Shizune running a tight ship, it was bad enough that she had to resort to hiding her sake supply in her own apartment, let alone the fact that she couldn't go out and gamble wildly anymore. At least, not when Shizune was around. And that woman was making it a point to keep her on the straight and narrow, not leaving her sight for an instant, going so far as having her own personal spies trail Tsunade's every movement. If it wasn't for the fact that she thought very lovingly of Shizune, she wouldn't be putting up with her and her ideas of propriety. But…letting out another sigh, Tsunade sat down at the table and poured a glass of the sweet oblivion that would surely come her way once she downed a few drinks.

Glancing over at Ton-Ton, Tsunade winked at the pig and then downed a cup of sake in one gulp, slamming the empty glass onto the top of her small kitchen table. Feeling the alcohol burn down her esophagus, she closed her eyes and savored the sweet taste of the fermented rice. Finding herself relaxing for the first time all day, her thoughts were interrupted when she felt…a presence that was not supposed to be in her apartment.

Sitting up stiffly in her chair, she slowly pushed her sake away and concentrated. She could sense the guard's chakra outside and they seemed to be…it was very odd. They seemed to be all lumped into the same spot, not at their posts like they were supposed to be. Not one for being a hard ass when it came to security around her apartment, Tsunade didn't really mind that her guards often would play games of cards together during the evening watch. They were all highly skilled shinobi and they would know instantly if somebody managed to break through the ANBU that guarded the outer perimeter. What was odd was that it didn't seem like the guards were moving about, their chakra not wavering at all. And then there was that strange presence in her apartment. She knew they were trying to hide themselves from her, but they seemed somehow…somehow familiar to her. Standing up, a grin suddenly lit her face as she realized what, or more specifically who, was currently sneaking around her apartment. Why they were here though, was what confused her. Still, it would be an interesting side note to her evening to find out exactly why a certain Konaha shinobi was in her apartment, and from the looks of it, in her bedroom to be exact.

Making her way out of the kitchen, Tsunade first went outside and checked on her incapacitated guards. When she found them, it was all she could do not to laugh, seeing their bloody noses and glazed expressions as they lay in a heap before her feet. Noticing one of them start to come out of the stupor they were in, she grabbed him by the collar of his vest and yanked him up to his feet, holding him so that her face was directly in front of his.

"Snap out of it soldier. You're pathetic, letting somebody get to you like that!"

"Tsunade-sama! I'm sorry. I mean, we're sorry. It's just that…"

"You were made to look like a fool by someone who shouldn't have been able to sneak past you?"

The guard had enough decency to look embarrassed. Letting go of him, she watched as he sank back down to the ground, still obviously not recovered from whatever jutsu had been used on him and the others.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with the intruder. But next time, try to control your male urges a little bit better. Maybe reading a couple of hentai magazines might do the trick, get it out of your system. Or better yet, some of those 'Icha, Icha' novels of Jiraiya's. I'm sure if you ask Kakashi nicely, he might even let you borrow some of them."

Laughing at the man's stunned look, Tsunade turned her back on him and waved over her shoulder, making note to have Shizune whip her guards back into shape. Really, they were supposed to be highly skilled Chunin and Jonin. It just shouldn't be that they would let someone as green as…Well, it shouldn't have happened, no matter how much she didn't like having guards in the first place. Walking back into her apartment, she stopped just inside the doorway and looked upstairs. Crossing her arms underneath her ample bosom, she quickly formulated a plan as to how she would deal with her uninvited guest. Chuckling sinisterly to herself, she slowly crept up the stairs towards the bedroom that held her would be assailant.

_Meanwhile, inside Tsunade's room…_

Naruto padded softly across the plush carpet that covered Tsunade's bedroom floor. Surprisingly, her room was neat and orderly, not at all how Naruto imagined it would be. There also didn't seem to be any good hiding places where he could wait until the right moment to take a picture of something he had absolutely no desire to see. Making a face, he made note of the bed, the desk in front of the window, an ornamental screen and a closet. There was also a doorway leading to what he assumed was a master bathroom which made his task that much more difficult. While most people changed their clothes in their bedroom, there was no reason why Tsunade wouldn't decide to take a bath and change in the bathroom. If that were the case, he would have to hide in the bathroom, but there would be even less of a chance of hiding in there unless he used a transformation jutsu and camouflaged himself. That plan was just too risky because as soon as he took the picture, he would be caught. He would just have to make a bet that she was going to change in her bedroom. But where to hide? It needed to be someplace that would allow him to get a good picture of her boobs so that Ero-sennin could ogle them and give himself a bloody nose doing so. Sick old coot!

Sneaking around, he let out a sigh of relief that there didn't seem to be any booby traps set up, which was a little suspicious. Considering that Shizune was Tsunade's assistant, it seemed almost implausible that Tsunade's apartment wasn't better equipped to ward off intruders. Still, he wasn't going to complain. The easier the better. Holding on tightly to the camera Jiraiya had given him, Naruto was about to check out the ornamental screen when he heard something. Stopping suddenly, he looked over his shoulder towards the door, eyes widening when he saw the handle start to move.

"Kuso!" he shouted silently to himself. What horrible luck! Not thinking, just trying to hide himself, he ran towards the place that seemed to be the best option for concealing himself in a hurry. Sliding across the floor, he flew underneath Tsunade's enormous bed, not noticing that he had disturbed the dust ruffle near the floor the second he pushed himself underneath.

Trying to slow down his rapid breathing resulting from almost being caught in the act of sneaking inside of Tsunade's bedroom, Naruto made himself as still as possible, watching as the doorway opened completely, admitting a shadowed figure. The person quietly stepped inside and then closed the door behind them. Walking around the perimeter, Naruto held his breath as they came closer to the bed he was hiding underneath. He could feel sweat starting to bead on his brow, his heart racing quickly as he thought of all the horrible things that Tsunade would do to him if she discovered his presence. Again, he wondered why he was doing such an awful task for a person that he didn't always like. Surely, all you can eat ramen at Ichiraku's wasn't worth all of this trouble. But he was stuck. It just sucked to be him.

He didn't know how long he had been holding his breath, but suddenly, the feet in front of the bed moved off towards the bathroom. Taking a gasping gulp of air, he covered his mouth with his hands when he saw the feet suddenly still their movements. If he had been heard…moaning silently, he crossed his fingers and willed for the person to just keep moving. When they did, he felt his tense muscles relax. However, his relaxation was for naught. Before he knew what was happening, the feet on the other side of the room disappeared. Freezing suddenly, he heard a battle cry come from the other person in the room. He barely made it out from underneath the bed when he heard a tremendous crash. Turning around, he halted in terror as he saw Tsunade slam her leg down into the middle of the bed, breaking it cleanly in two. Cold sweat was now pouring over his face, realization dawning that if he had still been underneath there, he would have been…

"Eieee, Tsunade Obachan! You're crazy!"

Shaking his fist at her, he recognized at that moment that he had just given himself away.

"Hn, crazy you say?"

"Ummm, maybe not." Laughing nervously, Naruto waved at her foolishly. "Well, gotta go! Bye!" He was about to turn around and run like hell when he felt a strong grip on his shoulder.

"Not so fast little boy. Intruders in my room don't get away that easily."

He was so dead. He tried to struggle against Tsunade's iron clad grip, but it was no use. Lowering his head in defeat, he waited for Tsunade's punishment. What he wasn't expecting was to be wrenched around so that he was facing her. Trying to keep from tripping, he reached out towards her, dropping the camera he had been holding right in front of her feet. Looking at the object in horror, his glance wasn't missed by his captor. Still holding onto him, Tsunade bent over and picked up the piece of damning evidence in front of her.

"What's this?"

"Umm, that? Uh, well, it's a camera."

Rolling her eyes, Tsunade shook her head at Naruto's silly answer.

"I know what it is, baka. What are you doing with one inside my bedroom? Were you trying to get a peek of something you shouldn't be looking at? I know that boys your age, and even older men, are forever trying to get a glimpse of naked women. But don't you think it's a little bit risky to be trying to take a picture of me? For one thing, if people found out you were trying to ogle a woman old enough to be your grandmother, I'm sure the embarrassment would be extreme. Not that I'm not beautiful or anything. But a twelve year old shouldn't be trying to take such liberties. Unless…unless somebody put you up to this? Somebody like…say, _Jiraiya_?"

Letting go of Naruto, she waggled the camera in front of his panic stricken face and waited for the truth, even though she already had the actual perpetrator for this little indiscretion firmly in her mind. Naruto, while an incorrigible schemer and joker, wasn't the type of person to risk bodily dismemberment by going to such extreme lengths as tricking her guards and then sneaking inside her room to take a perverted picture. But Jiraiya was, and since he knew that she was knowledgeable about all of his little tricks of the trade since they had been on the same Genin squad, he must have resorted to use Naruto to finally get a glimpse of what he most likely had been drooling over ever since her flat chest had blossomed into something most men would consider magnificent.

"N...n…no. I, uh, don't know what you're talking about, Tsunade Obachan! I was just up here doing a…a training exercise for Kakashi-sensei. I haven't seen Ero-sennin in forever!"

"Boy, don't make me laugh! If you want to get out of something, you had better learn on how to come up with plausible stories. And you had better work on pulling off said stories without stuttering like a scardy cat. Now tell me the truth, otherwise I'll crush this camera, truss you up like a turkey and hang you on top of the tower where everyone can see you completely naked!"

Now Naruto looked like he wanted to throw up. Grinning evilly, enjoying tormenting the stupid kid, she released him from her grip and waited for the truth to come spilling from his lips.

"You'd hang me naked from the tower?"

"Of course I would. Why do you think no one is stupid enough to try and sneak into my apartment? Besides having to face me, I can come up with some pretty humiliating punishment scenarios. Just ask Jiraiya about all the things I used to do to him when he'd try and do something perverted to me."

She watched as Naruto let out a sigh of defeat and then took a step back.

"Fine. I screwed up my mission for Jiraiya. He said I needed to take a picture of your…of your…Well, you know. He won't train me otherwise, and I need to get stronger so I can rescue Sasuke. Besides, he promised me all you can eat ramen from Ichiraku's for a year if I succeeded. So, can't you just help me out, Tsunade Obachan? I mean, I don't really want to look at your…your whatevers. But I want to train with Ero-sennin and he's been avoiding me ever since Sasuke ran away."

Looking up towards the ceiling and tapping her finger on her chin, Tsunade digested Naruto's confession. The truth was, she knew that Jiraiya was using the pretext of not training Naruto so he could get away with using a kid to do his dirty work. But she knew for a fact that he was going to train Naruto no matter what. There was just too much at stake for him not to train the boy, with Akatsuki lurking around, waiting to snatch up the Jinchūriki for whatever nefarious purpose they had in mind. However, Naruto didn't know that and it angered her that her fellow Sannin would stoop so low as to use a naïve boy all for the sake of getting a perverted picture. Scheming in her head, she knew that there had to be someway to get back at him. Besides, she had always enjoyed wailing on the idiot anyway. What was the point of having such an extreme amount of strength if she couldn't use it once in a while? Looking back over at Naruto, she smiled at him slightly as she lowered her arms.

"So you want my help, huh? Well, I still am disappointed that you were dumb enough to buy Jiraiya's story about not training you. But it wouldn't be fair to punish you completely since Jiraiya's the mastermind behind your little excursion. It also proved that my guards are lacking greatly since you were able to get in here so easily. How did you do that anyway?"

Naruto blushed slightly in front of Tsunade and then rubbed his hands through his hair nervously, making his headband crooked.

"Well, I bribed them with ramen and then used my Hāremu no Jutsu technique and they passed out."

Rolling her eyes a bit, Tsunade chuckled, having guessed exactly what had caused her guards passed out condition.

"Hmmm, well that jutsu of yours really did a number on them. They're still recovering from its effects. The frailty of men. Gah, they're all a bunch of losers!"

Taking a step past Naruto, Tsunade pulled the camera she was holding closer towards her body and then stopped.

"Alright Naruto, I'll help you out."

"You…you will?"

"Yeah. How should I say this? It will be…a blast!"

With that said, Tsunade made her way out of the bedroom and back towards the downstairs portion of her apartment, motioning for Naruto to follow her. Feeling suddenly queasy about what the fifth Hokage had in mind, he obediently followed; wondering if working for Tsunade was going to be any better then trying to fulfill the task that Jiraiya had bestowed upon him, all for the sake of training and ramen.

_Early morning the next day…_

Oh gods in heaven, just kill me now. I haven't felt this miserable in years and considering the fact that I do have a problem with abusing a few of the things that fine shinobi are never supposed to do (women, money, and drinking), that's saying a lot.

Groaning, I lift my head up from where it has been laying all night, knowing that I probably have red marks across my face from the wooden counter of the sake stand. Opening my eyes, I can feel a throbbing headache starting to pound behind my eyes and it's all I can do to not just lie back down and pass out again. Stupid itch, making me drink like that. Argh.

Yawning, I stretch my arms out and then smack my lips together slightly. My mouth feels like somebody stuffed cotton balls into it and I'm sure my breath is as rancid as road kill left out in the blistering sun for a few days. Certainly, I'm not in my best form.

Digging in my pouch for some money to pay the bartender who is currently trying to close up his shop for the day, I'm about to lay it out when something or someone pokes me in the back.

Startled, I scream and then almost fall off the stool I'm sitting on. Turning around, I see Naruto standing behind me with a cheeky grin on his face, his clothes and hair looking as though he didn't sleep at all last night.

"Naruto, you know it's not polite to sneak up on an old man who's dealing with a hangover, right?"

"Well Ero-sennin, you're supposed to be this all powerful ninja. I guess my stealth skills have really improved since you gave me that little job."

Rolling my eyes, I smack him in the back of the head and then grunt when he wrinkles his nose at my obvious body odor mixed in with the over abundant scent of stale sake.

"Give me a break. Sure, your stealth should have improved, _if _you were successful with that little job. But taking advantage of somebody with a hangover is _not_ stealthy movement. Anybody with a brain can do that, whether they are a ninja or not."

Crossing my arms, I turn around to gather my things, deciding that it's probably best for me to go back to the room I'm renting and lay low for the rest of the day. Getting drunk off sake last night to forget about Tsunade and her boobs probably wasn't one of the smarter things that I've done in my life, as I'm beginning to realize from the pounding in my head and the sourness in my gut.

"Where are you going, Ero-sennin?"

Shaking my head at the little twerp, I stand up and start to walk towards the street, seeing that the bartender is happy I'm finally leaving his establishment.

"Where do you think? To my room. Now, unless you have something to show me Naruto, just beat it kid."

Taking a step past him, I glance over to where he's still standing, scratching his butt and looking like an idiot who's been conked over the head too many times with a heavy stick. That's when I notice what he's holding in his hand for the entire world to see. Narrowing my eyes, a sudden feeling of excitement takes hold of my senses. It couldn't…no…It couldn't possibly be a…?

"Naruto, what are you holding in your hand?"

"Huh, Ero-sennin?" He picks his nose disgustingly and I want to shove my foot up his ass for being so damned annoying and gross. Pointing at what looks to be a photo in his free hand, I ask again.

"That thing in your hand, Naruto. What do you have?"

"Ohhhh. This?"

With that, I watch as he shoves it out in front of his body so that everybody walking past him during the early morning rush can see it. My heart starts to throb. Snatching the picture out of his grubby looking hand, I hold it front of my eyes, trying to tell myself that it isn't some sort of trick of the light. That what I'm looking at is…

"Naruto, is this what I think it is?"

"You mean is it Tsunade Obachan's bo…"

Smacking him in the shoulder, I hiss out a warning.

"Shut up! This town is crawling with spies. Do you want us to get in trouble?"

"Oh sorry. But yeah, that's what it is, so hand over the ramen pass."

I can't believe it. I had hoped that he would be successful, but in reality, I didn't think that he would actually succeed. Still, I can't just trust that what I'm seeing is the real deal. I am still hung over as it is. Pulling the picture out, I hold it in front of my face and stare at it, trying to make sure there isn't some sort of concealment jutsu placed on it. I can't feel any chakra, so I'm positive that it isn't a fake. Besides, Naruto might be a capable ninja in training, but like I said before, he is terrible at sneaking around. Pushing the picture closer to my face, I notice long strands of honey blond hair peaking over the person's shoulders, although no face is discernable. Looking downward, I can feel the blood rushing into my face and other parts of my body as my eyes take in the most luscious, the most magnificent, the most wonderful naked…

Putting down the photo, I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, trying to contain my reaction. It doesn't matter to me that I can't see Tsunade's face. But…I've wanted a glimpse of her attributes since I was a snot faced Genin like Naruto, even when she was still as flat as a billboard. I can honestly say that I can now die a happy man.

Pulling it back up slowly, I can't help staring at the beauty before me. Scenes for a new 'Icha-Icha' novel wind their way into my head as I start to dance around Naruto in excitement.

"Uhh, Ero-sennin? Are you okay?"

"Oh yes Naruto, I'm fine. I'm…oh, they're so beautiful. Like overripe melons."

"You're face is turning red and you're acting kind of crazy."

I can't hear what he's saying, my mind only filled with the loveliness before my perverted eyes. I do a couple more silly spins around the boy when my pervertedness finally catches up with me. Before I know it, blood starts pouring out of my nose and I feel a sense of faintness taking over my body. I don't care though. I'm in heaven. Unfortunately, my heaven is short lived.

I'm in the middle of a spin when I hear the most ferocious female roar I've ever witnessed. Turning around slowly, my eyes widen as a fist crashes into my jaw, pushing my hungover body up into the air. Before I can gain control of my body, my head is being rammed into the side of the sake bar, the shouts of the enraged owner flitting past my ears. I can feel a foot connect with my groin and suddenly, I'm down for the count.

"Mercy!"

"Why should I give you mercy, you sick pervert? Bribing a boy to sneak into my apartment so you can look at a naked picture of me? You are pathetic Jiraiya."

Pushing my bloodied up body out of the rubble left from the sake stand, I look up and see Tsunade herself leaning over me, her hands on her hips.

"Look Tsunade, I can explain!"

"Save it. Naruto already told me. And don't worry, he was loyal to you until the very end."

I don't miss the wink she aims at him and my mouth suddenly slides into a thin line. He must have been caught by Tsunade and then switched sides, the little traitor. Looking over at where he's standing with a stupid grin on his face, I growl out towards him.

"No all you can eat passes for Ichiraku's. And no training."

Before I can move an inch, Tsunade's foot is planted in my abdomen, pushing me back down into the ground.

"You know as well as I do that you will eventually train him. There was never a question about that. But I can't believe that you would try to corrupt a kid like that. I don't care if you have some stupid seven-year itch. Go read one of your books. But if I ever so much as hear a whisper that you're trying to get another picture of me, I'll make sure that your male parts never function again."

Defensively, I squeeze my legs together. I know that Tsunade is more then capable of carrying out her threat. Medical specialist or not, she's got enough strength in her legs to crush my beauties into dust. Wincing at the terrible image in my head, I slowly stand up once she removes her foot from my stomach. I watch as she backs up and puts her hands on her hips, a wicked grin covering her face. No doubt, she has enjoyed this immensely and that's why she's being so accommodating to Naruto. If it had just been him alone without me coercing him to do my dirty work, he wouldn't be fairing so well.

Taking the picture, I don't even get to admire it once more before it's ripped from my hands and shredded into tiny pieces, courtesy of Tsunade. Looking over at where Naruto is standing, I can't believe he's taking my rejection of the offer of all you can eat ramen so well. Shaking my throbbing head slowly, I cross my arms and look at my former teammate.

"I just have one question. I take it that picture isn't of you?"

"Get real Jiraiya. Do you think for one moment I would be stupid enough to pose for a centerfold shot in front of a minor? No. We went down to Hitsuki's Hentai stand and had him make up a fake picture. He's pretty talented at doing stuff like that. The hair is mine, but the rest…it's a picture from a dirty magazine. Don't worry though. I had Naruto stay outside. I knew that you would be so overcome with your perverted thoughts once you actually saw what you thought were my breasts that I could beat the crap out of you for being such an idiot. Honestly, for being a 50 year old man, you act like stupid teenager."

Huh, like she's one to talk, gambling and drinking sake all the time and making herself look young enough to pass off as girl.

Looking over at Naruto, I still couldn't help but notice how happy he seems to be over all of this.

"What's got you looking to excited Naruto?"

"Awww, nothin' much. Just that Tsunade's going to give me the all you can eat ramen for tricking you with the picture and she's going to make you train with me for the rest of the week that you're in town."

Figures. She bribed him, that two faced….

Looking over at her, I can see an evil gleam in her brown eyes that makes me want to get out of the demolished sake stand as soon as possible.

"Yes Jiraiya, I keep to my bargains. And be assured, you will train with Naruto until you leave or I'm not the fifth Hokage. You see, I'm still sort of upset with you for giving my name to the elder council. I heard a little rumor that you were originally named to be the next Hokage. But you didn't want the responsibility. What a shame. I think that would be an even better punishment for you then training an over eager kid. Oh, and one more thing. You can pay for the repairs to this sake stand."

God, sometimes she can be such a…witch. But that's Tsunade. Freaking scary, but the one person I would trust with my life above all others. Still, it's humiliating to have been beaten up by her in front of the entire village, not to mention in front of Naruto. Stupid itch!

Nodding my head in acknowledgment of her terms, I stumble into the street, heading towards my rented room. At least I got one little bit of happiness out of this whole horrible ordeal, looking at the imitation picture of Tsunade. Oh well, it wasn't like I really expected to get anything out of the whole plan anyway. Too bad that Tsunade was smart enough to put two and two together and realize that I was the one behind the whole stupid plan.

Turning down a street, I find myself in front of the place where I'm staying. Turning the key into the doorway, I start opening the door when I hear my name being called. Turning around, I come face to face with Tsunade.

"Argh, can't you leave an old man in peace?"

"Oh cut the old man crap. You don't act like one and I know you don't think of yourself that way."

Scratching my head, I let out a huff of breath and ask her why she's following me.

"Following you? Don't be ridiculous. I'm on my way back to the tower. But I just wanted to tell you, next time you have the urge to get a look at my ladies, all you have to do is ask. You never know, I might actually accommodate you."

Stunned, I watch as she walks away and waves at me, winking deviously as she struts up the street.

Argh! Ask? All I have to do is ask? But then again, it would be so worth it…Thinking about Tsunade, I can feel the blood rushing to my head once again. Yeah, it would be so worth it. With that thought in my head, my nose explodes and I pass out into the middle of the street, happily dreaming of the moment when I will finally get to uncover the beauty that is Tsunade.

_The End _

_Well, that's the end of 'Peeping Naruto.' I hope you all enjoyed it. Please find it in your hearts to leave a review! Later! -Vegamarie_


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